I just watched a TED Talk by psychologist Susan Pinker called “The Secret to Living Longer May Be Your Social Life.” She says the number one predictor for longevity is social integration—not just close relationships with family and friends, but also all those day-to-day connections with people in your community. That means everyone from your…
Tag: life
Letting Go of the White Horse
Over the past few days, I’ve spoken with several people who are carrying heavy emotional loads. One is a parent, deeply worried about an adult child in serious trouble. Another is a friend, watching helplessly as someone close to them faces a terminal illness. In both cases, the operative word is worry. Worry, by definition,…
Advice to a Lonely Uber Driver
A couple of weeks ago, I took the train into L.A. and caught an Uber from the Burbank Amtrak Station. During the twenty-five-minute ride to my destination, my driver and I ended up having a straight-to-the-heart conversation about his love life—or, more accurately, his lack of one. It started innocently enough. He asked about my…
Grateful Now: A poem about survival, compassion, and the long path to healing
I have held that terrible time against youand against myself for many years now.I felt shame that I found myself in sucha vulnerable situation,embarrassed that I didn’t seewhat must have been obvious—or not,since you were (are) quite adeptat disguising that abusive part of who you are. I have carried that time in my body,shrinking back…
The “Someday” List in Progress
I have a secret dream of becoming a yoga master. Never mind that I’m not currently doing yoga. Is that a requirement for the dream? I’d also like to learn Spanish, travel to Africa, and figure out how to scuba dive. And then there’s sailing—I’d love to learn how to sail and have a place…
To My Son-in-Law, Gregorio Pacheco Ambriz, on His Birthday
Dear Gregorio, It’s hard to believe that it’s been sixteen years since you and Sarah met back in 2009, and thirteen since you two got married. That has been an eventful sixteen years, marked by the addition of your three beautiful children and the life you two have created for yourselves and them. You can…
Flash Memoir: A Buick, an Embankment, and Grace
This is a story that happened a few years back right around this time of year. I would say this is the very closest I’ve ever come to facing my dying moment – and killing poor Ray in the process. Thank God for a little Divine intervention when we both really needed it. I have…
Flash Essay: The Past Five Years
Over the past five years, my life has transformed in some significant ways. First, two and a half years ago, my fourth grandchild was born. This would not be such a huge event (more than the birth of my three other grandkids) but Ethan’s birth helped propel a decision that Ray and I had been…
Rethinking the Third Age: Life After 70
When I was born in the early 1950s, the average life expectancy in the U.S. was around 68 years. That number has risen steadily over the decades—today it’s about 78 for the general population, with women living on average to 81 and men to nearly 76. The gap between men’s and women’s life spans is…
Reflections on a Sweet Bonhi Reunion
The biggest frustration with a Friday evening, all-day Saturday high school reunion is simple: there’s not enough time. Not enough time to sit, settle in, and have a real, meaty conversation with old friends. Just a quick hug, a handful of sentences to catch up, then—before you know it—someone else walks up for their own…
20 Minutes a Day 