I have a strong memory of spending a lot of time when I was a little girl snuggled up in bed next to my mother, her skin warm and her smell comforting. In that memory, my mother is always reading, and her arm is around me so that I am nestled next to her. I can still feel the weight of her arm, the steady warmth of her body, the quiet safety of being held.

I realize now as an adult that this memory comes from a particular moment in time. I was five years old, and my mother was pregnant with her seventh child, my little brother Sam. Only two years earlier, she had given birth prematurely at eight months to a baby who could not breathe on his own. Baby Robert would have easily lived today with modern medical intervention, but in 1955, he did not survive.

My father told me years later that when Robert died, their family doctor—also a close friend—advised my parents to get pregnant again as soon as possible to lessen the pain of losing an almost full-term baby. This helps explain why those memories of closeness are so vivid and sustained. My mother’s doctor confined her to full bed rest for most of that pregnancy, and she was surely still grieving the loss of her baby. During that long, quiet stretch of waiting and sorrow, we were snuggled together, skin to skin.

Recent research at UC Irvine shows that a mother’s touch can increase a child’s resilience to stress. Touch, it seems, is not merely comforting; it is formative. “Touch” therapies have emerged in response to these findings and continue to demonstrate positive results. Even small physical connections—a pat on the back, a handshake—can ease stress and foster a sense of well-being. Researchers have noted that something as simple as holding a warm mug of tea or coffee can create comfort by activating touch receptors in the hands. Therapists have long encouraged self-soothing practices during times of distress, such as gently cradling one’s face or stroking one’s own cheek. And extensive research confirms that loving, consensual physical intimacy reduces stress and supports emotional health. Skin-to-skin contact, whether non-sexual or sexual, appears to offer a wide range of healing effects. As Tiffany Field, Ph.D., of the Touch Institute at the University of Miami Medical School has written, “The healing power of touch extends across the lifespan, from helping babies grow and children concentrate at school to decreasing chronic illnesses and disease.”

What I know now is this: in the midst of grief, my mother and I found comfort in each other’s presence. Her need for closeness and my openness to receive it created a bond that soothed us both. Touch became our quiet language, one that required no explanation.

The lesson is a simple one. Mothers and fathers, hold and cuddle your little ones as much as you can. The body remembers. Loving touch can make a world of difference.