This blog post was inspired by a college essay question one of my students was required to answer: Give a brief self-interview that will help us get to know you better. Reading the prompt, I realized it invited deep reflection, so I decided to answer the prompt myself.

1) You have clearly done quite a few jobs in your life. Was that by design, or did that just happen?

I started out as a psychotherapist in my 20s. I am genuinely interested in people and their complexities, and so therapy was a perfect match for me. However, after Ray and I married, he introduced me to the world of antiques. This profoundly shaped my desire to learn more about art and design. I credit Ray with teaching me how to see.

2) What was the best thing about that part of your life?

I would say the sheer adventure of our life together. We were open to any experience, any challenge, any opportunity. We worked hard, made lots of friends, traveled extensively, all the while bringing our kids along for the ride.

3) Is there anything you regret about that time?

We did a lot of head-butting. We were both trying to figure out who we were individually and as a couple, and the sparks flew quite often. We brought a fair amount of baggage into our marriage, and it took a thousand fights before we just wore each other out and could round out our very sharp edges. I regret that we fought so much when our kids were young. That must have been tough on them, and I genuinely feel sorry about that. I have, in fact, apologized to each of them for this.

4) Do you think that discord is just a natural part of marriage?

I can’t speak for everyone. I know that, in our case, we had to learn to understand each other’s unique ways of navigating through life, and that, despite our somewhat different approaches, we share the same values about what matters. We are happier now than ever, and though we have weathered some tough times, I can honestly say we have both grown and changed for the better because of our commitment to one another. It hasn’t always been easy, but I can’t imagine facing this life with anyone other than Ray, who has been both my best friend and partner over the years.

5) What makes it interesting?

We are both adventurers, willing to defy convention to shape a life that truly suits us. We hold family as a central value, which has helped us build deep, lasting relationships with our three daughters and now with the expanding lives they are creating.

We are also committed to trying new things and to changing when change is called for. Over the years, we have been fortunate to arrive at mutual decisions in challenging situations. That ability to decide on the next right action has deepened our trust, the bedrock of strong relationships. I feel very fortunate to have found a helpmate as intelligent, decent, and good-hearted as Ray.

Ray and I at our wedding back in 1980. Our old friend, Ray Patterson, sent us this digitized version of a 30 MM slide just today.