Since we recently celebrated Día de los Muertos (Day of the Dead), I wanted to share an altar I created a few years ago for my best childhood friend, Patricia Butler.

At that time, I was taking ceramics classes at Barnsdall Art Center in Los Angeles when my teacher mentioned that the center was planning a Día de los Muertos exhibit and needed participants to build altars for loved ones. As it happened, I had just come across a box that had belonged to Patricia, and I decided then and there that I needed to honor her for this particular Day of the Dead. The reason was simple: Patricia was an artist of the first order and would have gotten such a kick out of the idea that I—never an artist—was showing my “work” in an art exhibit.

When I went to set up her altar, I used everything in the box that had been hers. This included two wide swaths of her hair that Ray had cut for her once she began chemotherapy and radiation for malignant melanoma, anticipating that her hair would soon fall out. The inclusion of her hair might sound morbid, but when I found it, it brought me great joy. Patricia had beautiful, thick blonde hair—it was always one of her best features—and seeing it again brought her right back to me.

After arranging everything—Mardi Gras beads, shell necklaces, bangles, several pairs of gloves, the box with her hair, a few photos of Patricia, a box of Rit dye (she loved to dye things), and two lacy head coverings we wore to church growing up—I stepped back to survey my handiwork. That’s when I felt the catch in my throat and my eyes fill with tears.

The altar honored my sweet childhood friend, whom I have loved my entire life—during her life and now after it has ended. I was so grateful to feel reconnected with her, even for a brief time, through this moving Mexican ritual. I could instantly see how healing this commemoration can be. There is reconnection and closure. Very healing, indeed.

Below are the photos of my altar for Patricia. It is simple and heartfelt. The Mexican blanket was hers as well. The only object on the table that wasn’t hers is the icon of St. Mary and the baby Jesus in the center—that one is mine. However, Patricia was a devout Episcopalian and would be very pleased to have that icon right where it is.

This was a touching experience for me, and seeing these photos still brings me happiness. I believe it’s important to honor those we’ve loved who have died, to remember them in ways that keep their spirit close. I’m glad to share this special altar for my dear friend with you tonight.

Patricia’s Altar

Patricia with Long Hair and then with Short x 2

Patricia with her dogs