“What does the phrase, “I didn’t have a choice” mean to you?” the therapist asked her client.

“Didn’t have a choice? Hmmm. Yes, that’s what they all say. No choice means not taking responsibility.” Marie stared at her therapist, waiting for her reaction.

“Who is ‘they’,” her therapist asked.

“What?”

“You said, ‘That’s what they all say.’ I’m asking who are the ‘they’ you’re referring to?”

Marie squirmed in her chair. “You know, they. People who cop out. Who say they were forced to do something or other. We all have choices, after all, right?”

“Do you feel as if you’ve always had choices?”

Marie licked her lips. “Well, clearly, when I was a little kid, my parents made me do things I didn’t want to do. They didn’t give me a choice. I had to go to bed at 8 pm, for example. If I didn’t, then they would get mad and might even spank me.”

“So punishment was the result of you defying a demand they made?”

“Yes, just like all the kids in the era I grew up in.”

“And if you defied them when you were older, what did they do?”

“I made the choice—see how I’m incorporating that word here—to never openly defy them. It was too much trouble. Instead, I told them what they wanted to hear and then did what I pleased.”

“Is that how you operate now? Does that have anything to do with your husband complaining that you don’t communicate honestly?”

“Oh, him. Let’s not bring him up again. We both know he is as punitive as they come. I’d say telling him what I really want versus what he wants me to do is not worth the argument.”

“So what do you do?”

“I tell him what he wants to hear and then do what I damn well please.”

“Your voice sounds angry and defiant.”

“Yes, well, wouldn’t you feel the same way? I managed to marry a man who operates just like my father. Do as I say, not as I do and you better not ever complain about this good life I’ve provided for you.”

“Do you feel that you have no choice but to stay with him?”

“What am I supposed to do? I’d have to go back into teaching and that salary isn’t enough to live a decent life. I’ve just learned to cope with the life I’ve got.”

“But does that mean you don’t have a choice?”

Marie sighed. “Sometimes it feels that way.”

But what about all those people – the ‘they’ you referred to. Does that make you like them, someone who doesn’t take responsibity?”

“No, those are people who blame others for their sad life. I don’t do that.”

“What do you do then?”

“I make the choice to do what I like.”

“Even if it negatively affects your husband.”

“Yes, even if it negatively affects him.”

“Is that honest?”

Marie gave her therapist a long stare. “No, that’s survival.”